


Night Shift

by xBubble_Teax



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Comfort, Drama, Fluff and Angst, Insomnia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 20:10:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15736509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xBubble_Teax/pseuds/xBubble_Teax
Summary: Ruki, awake from another night of insomnia, finds himself taking the midnight bus to the hospital; a journey that forces him to witness life-changing circumstances...





	Night Shift

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Written in 2012 on my LiveJournal. Enjoy <3 ^^

*

  
That night, Ruki couldn’t sleep. In fact, it was the third night in a row that week that insomnia seemed to wake him unwelcomingly from a deep sleep; taking him by the hand and leading him into an even deeper fatigue he couldn’t control.

Tonight, Ruki decided enough was enough. He’d wasted too many midnight hours trying useless techniques to try and lull himself back into sleep. The DVD’s he wouldn’t really be watching… the music he wouldn’t really be listening to… the book he would never really be reading. Those lyrics he would try to write that could never seem to fit together…

One night, his vacant mind, beyond the faraway task of clear thinking, decided it would be a good idea to even try watching pornography. Though Ruki sat with his laptop perched on his knee in some sort of trance, and in all truth he found it boring.

He’d given up and decided to head to bed, though at the very sight of Reita lying fast asleep, alone and naked under the bed sheets lying askew across his torso, Ruki had felt his slacks tighten around his hips, and inwardly cursed.

Of course Reita didn’t seem to mind too much when his lover had awoken him, not with sweet words, but lusty kisses. It only took Reita one look down south to realise the meaning behind Ruki’s sudden act of delusional passion. The sex they’d had that night had been something neither of them had quite experienced before, or at the least for a very long time.

Though even as he’d hated to admit it, Ruki had been fighting not to fall asleep, even as Reita’s thrusting above him had shoved Ruki further up the bed again and again, sometimes rendered as callous.

Guilt aside, Ruki now woke up tonight with his vision dancing as his eyes adjusted to the darkness of the bedroom, feeling the length of Reita’s arm, draped over him, warm his bare chest as his lover slept soundly at his side.

Ruki couldn’t help but turn his head to look at his boyfriend, take a moment to adjust, and then sigh in discontent.

This couldn’t be happening again, surely?

Ruki was careful to ease himself out of the comforting radiance of Reita’s loose embrace and find a few clothes to dress himself in. Not daring to turn the light on in case he woke Reita, Ruki fumbled around in the dark, bumping into wardrobes and treading on pairs of messily discarded shoes.

He pulled out what he felt to be a hoodie and the touch of denim upon his fingertips hinted he’d found a pair of jeans.

Not bothering with socks or underwear, Ruki slipped his feet into a neat pair of black sandals, a size too big since they were Reita’s,  not that Ruki’s sleepy mind seemed to care nor acknowledge this observation; collected his phone and cigarettes from the bedside table and snuck out into the living room to pick up his wallet and keys.

He didn’t see the point of trying to fall asleep again, and Ruki debated on gathering a slice of fresh air to prepare him for the sunrise; a haul that seemed so difficult without his eyes closed.

His phone told him it wasn’t as late as he thought; touching on the 11pm mark, though Ruki found himself shivering as he walked out of the house and into the welcoming coolness of fresh spring air.

Oddly, Ruki walked to the bus stop some two blocks away, knowing the only bus that ran at this time of night was the hospital shuttle, which ran on a twenty-four hour schedule.

With his memory blanking out portions of his ten minute wait, Ruki found himself flicking a few coins into the cash dispenser seated next to the driver, grabbing a freshly printed ticket and taking a seat halfway up the bus.

He sat by the window and leant his forehead against the cool glass; accompanied only by a fragile old man with a bad cough and a worried-looking pregnant woman sat in the side seats, rubbing a hand over her large bump in front of Ruki.

Ruki took a moment to wonder what on earth he was doing. Here he was wasting change on a journey he didn’t need, towards the last place anyone would dream of ending up at, filled with the sick and dying…a temporary cavern for the already deceased. Yet somehow, he already felt a ripple of peace drift over his shoulders, letting his overtired eyes drop to look at the thumbs fiddling absentmindedly in his lap; not entirely sure of his next steps. Not knowing whether to catch the next bus straight home or whether to kill time outside a hospital for a few hours.

_Kill time outside a hospital… great choice of words._

Ruki scoffed with a small smirk but very nearly jumped as tentative fingers tugged on his sleeve,

“I-I’m sorry to bother you…”

The small voice came from the pregnant lady who was sat a couple of seats away from Ruki, though now she had occupied the seat next to him, her other hand still secured protectively around her bump,

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you…” She begins, and Ruki’s eyes roam over her face, though not quite registering her features in detail. She looked tired and worn however, and Ruki guessed by the slight agitated look on her face that she was a first-time mum. He was most likely proven right when he glanced into the shopper bag placed at her feet, tens of newborn baby and pregnancy guides packed high on top of one another,

“It’s okay…” Ruki forced his lips into a smile, “I was miles away, it’s my own fault.”

She smiled gently as he gave her a nervous laugh,

“I was wondering if you could do me a favour.” The pregnant woman asked him, smoothing chestnut brown strands of hair from her eyes, her hair looking as though it had gone a day without being washed, slightly frail and her block fringe hung low, brushing the tips of her eyelashes,

“Sure.”  _It’s not like I have anything better to do…_

“Well, I don’t have a hospital appointment or anything but I woke up about an hour ago and my baby wasn’t kicking.” She said worriedly, her protective hand of motherly instinct rubbing her swollen stomach caringly, “I mean he’s been kicking all the time, like a little footballer really-“ She laughs a little nervously, and Ruki returns a half-hearted smile, “- But now, I’m starting to doubt myself and I was just wondering if you could lay a hand on my tummy and just check for me?”

Ruki must have unintentionally stared at her in some odd fashion as her shaky voice started stumbling over each word that came,

“I know it’s a strange thing to ask, and I may seem paranoid but I-I’m just a bit unsure. I keep getting this weird sensation so I don’t know whether he’s kicking or not so… please? Please can you help?”

Despite his eyelids threatening to close on him like the stage curtains at a bad theatre play, Ruki manages to reassure her with a nod and an even bigger smile,

“No, it’s not a problem. I’d be happy to…”

Ruki actually caught himself feeling nervous as he’d never really felt a baby bump before and wasn’t quite sure what a baby’s kick felt like. His sister got pregnant last year but living two and a half hours away, Ruki had only gone to stay with her around her due date so the family could gather at the hospital when the time came. The only evidence he’d witnessed of her pregnancy was his little nephew being bundled into his arms,

“Right here.” The pregnant lady told him, taking Ruki’s hand and pressing it at the base of her bump, “Can you feel anything?”

Ruki stayed silent for a moment as he concentrated on the sensations in his hand. He hoped he would feel  _something_ just to put the poor woman at ease, but as the minutes ticked by, nothing came and he was somehow distraught,

“No.” He shook his head, “Nothing yet.”

She sighs and puts a hand over her forehead, and for a moment Ruki thinks she may just be on the verge of tears; as if pregnant women weren’t hormonal enough,

“Oh wait!” Ruki startled as something moved against his palm, “I think he just did!”

“Really?!” The pregnant woman sniffed, sitting up a little and Ruki found himself doing the same, pressing his hand against her stomach tighter.

This sensation of new life had left him feeling somewhat refreshed, even excited at the prospect there was a real baby inside of there. Alive and well, ready to come out and face the world; to make life’s mistakes and embrace life’s gifts…

Something bumped against Ruki’s palm once more and Ruki felt himself beam with delight,

“He is! He’s kicking!” He looked up at her, seeing tears in her eyes, “He’s kicking!”

“Oh!” The pregnant woman lay a hand over her chest, and Ruki couldn’t help but notice she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring, “Oh, thank goodness! Thank you so much, I-I really don’t know how I can thank you…”

Ruki’s heart suddenly dropped at the thought that she may be a single mother, but of course knew it was inappropriate to delve into such questions. Prompted by her last sentence, he reaches into his pocket and digs out the change left inside,

“Take this.” He says, dropping the coins into her palms, “Catch the bus straight home and go back to a nice warm house. There’s no point worrying yourself in that old hospital.”

To his despair, she looked like she may just burst into tears, “Th-Thank you…” she stammered quietly, “That’s very kind of you. I really do appreciate your kindness…” She tries to offer the money back to him, “But I’m going to go and get checked out anyway. If he stopped kicking, even for a short amount of time, I just want to make sure that everything’s okay.”

She smiles sweetly, and Ruki nods in understanding, “It’s just for my own peace of mind.”

“Of course.” Ruki agrees, “But please keep the money. You can use it on the way home should you need it.”

The gratitude of his kindness, however small it was, seemed to shine brightly in her eyes, gentle creases tucked around her eyelids as she did so,

“Thank you. You’re too kind.”

  
*

 

Ruki had felt he had done his good deed for the day. After the bus had arrived outside the city hospital he had helped the pregnant woman off the bus and into the nearest elevator; at which point she insisted she could make it to the maternity ward by herself, but thanked him gratefully, for what seemed like the hundredth time tonight.

Ruki lingered outside A&E as he fished the packet of cigarettes out of his hoodie pocket and lit up; pretending he was here for someone too as he stood with the other relatives taking a small time-out for themselves. The only break they had, Ruki assumed, considering the terrifying ordeals that can happen in this place could nowhere near be paused or predicted.

He sighs and looks above him to the stars twinkling in pristine, faraway solitude; thinking how warm he had felt inside when he’d felt that woman’s baby kick against his palm. It truly was a wondrous experience, and it had Ruki mulling over it in his head, though he tried not to blame his lack of sleep for the way he felt.

No matter how brief, it had touched him immensely.

Ruki very nearly dropped his cigarette when the blares of ambulance sirens pounded into the vicinity. Pulling up in front of them, Ruki’s common sense kicked in and he made sure to stand well clear of the double doors, luckily just in time as a crash team came rushing outside with some sort of machine on wheels. Ruki wasn’t all that good at medical science, but he had seen the electronic paddles and that had been enough for him.

By some force, he had become rooted to the spot even if his mind screamed at him to stop watching and leave before he witnesses something that will haunt him for the rest of his life. The back of the ambulance opened and the medical team disappeared inside though from this angle, Ruki could clearly see what was happening. Medical staff shouted over one another as they informed mid-resuscitation the cause of the accident, the man’s injuries, his blood pressure and blood type; though these soon became blares of instructions that overlapped one another until they didn’t seem like words anymore..

Ruki already knew that an “RTA” is medical acronym for “Road Traffic Accident” and automatically he felt the sympathy wrack within him at such an alarming tragedy.

The other spectators around him gasped and talked amongst themselves worriedly as they watched this poor person, a seventeen year old Ruki had heard them say, fight for his life inside the back of a run-down ambulance.

Ironic he was already near death in a vehicle collision… yet here he was dying in the back of the one meant to save him,

“Charge to two hundred! Clear!”

Ruki felt his cigarette drop to the pavement, watching the bud burn out on its own in the corner of his eye,

“Doctor, there’s no rhythm!”

“Charge  _again_! To three sixty this time, please! Clear!”

Some woman screamed briefly to Ruki’s left, though he was too busy focused on the distressing display before him; wound down into slow motion ever so suddenly.

Ruki felt his mind willing the boy to live,

“Charge to three hundred and sixty again! Come on! We can’t lose him now! Clear!”

They pronounced his death after that.

Ruki felt he was swimming in a vortex of life fast-forwarding on some sort of surreal cassette player. Things were happening too fast for his liking; and he couldn’t surpass the fact that this ambulance had turned up just moments ago with a very alive person inside and  _now_ they were pronouncing him dead? Lifeless?

Gone…?

Ruki could blame it on the fatigue later, but something inside him wouldn’t stand for it. They couldn’t just let him die in the back of an ambulance; he was probably just driving home to his family when this happened.

Surely this man didn’t deserve to be given up on?

“What? That’s it?!” Ruki couldn’t help himself as the team climbed out, the paramedics following behind with the poor teenager on a stretcher, his face covered over with a deep red blanket, “You’re giving up?!”

“Sir…” A female nurse wearing a navy blue uniform and her dark hair tied back into a ponytail, her face full of fatigue that was probably on par with Ruki’s, approached him, “Please step aside, this isn’t of your concern…”

Ruki watched grimly as the now deceased teenager was wheeled away… into a different direction. Without looking Ruki already knew where he was headed,

“No…” He said numbly, his wild eyes diverting between the nurse and that poor kid, “No, you can’t just let him die. He’s too young!! What if- What if he has family? C-Could you honestly say that you did everything you could to save him?!”

Why was he so angry? Was it because he had witnessed such a spectacle with his own eyes; death… the one thing not many people see for themselves firsthand. And quite rightly too.

Though Ruki didn’t even know him, he felt upset as though he was mourning him,

“Sir, please. Why don’t you come and sit down..?” The nurse offered, of which Ruki instantly rejected, but was soon clinging onto her as he suddenly felt weak and the lingering participants of the crash team rushed over to help,

“N-No, I’m alright, I’m… I’m just tired.” Ruki mumbled weakly, his legs giving up underneath him and he slid down to the path beneath his feet, resting against the brick wall of the hospital,

“It’s alright.” The nurse told him, waving the crash team away, “I know it was a bit of a shock seeing that.”

“He died…” Was all Ruki could say, as stars frolicked in the failing confines of his current vision, and he blinked hard to try and erase them, “Just- All of a sudden… he was alive there and then the next he’s…” he cut off as he felt his voice about to catch,

“I know…” Ruki felt her hand on his shoulder, “Are you alright? Are you here to see someone?”

Ruki closed his eyes as his vision showed no signs of improving, weakly shaking his head, “No. I just… needed some fresh air.” He finished lamely, not even trying to explain his insomnia, least of all to a nurse,

“Okay.” The nurse nodded, getting to her feet, “I have to be back on the ward but just rest here until you feel strong enough. Then, please, just head home okay? It’s getting late.”

As she left, Ruki fumbled around in his jean pocket for his phone, curious of the time. The LCD screen told him forty-five minutes had passed since he’d left home but all of a sudden the minutes in which Ruki had spent roaming tonight seemed exaggeratedly sustained. Time was dragging by slowly yet life was running a marathon of events before him at full speed. He vaguely wondered if he could ever catch up with it.

He caught his ringtone sounding in the chilly air and found his imaginary stars had disappeared and he could see clearly again. He caught Reita’s name on-screen before he opened the message;

 

_**I woke up from a dream to find you gone. Are you okay?** _

**_Where are you?! xxx_ **

Ruki sighed and texted him back with mildly shaking fingers,

 

_**I’m sorry sweetheart. I couldn’t sleep.** _

_**I’ll be back soon, I promise. I’ll tell you all about it when I get home.** _

 

A pause… then Ruki added,

 

_**I love you so much xxxxxxx** _

 

Ruki knew his lover would most likely raise an eyebrow; Ruki never did give out kisses much but this time was different.

He had witnessed the process of birth and death in one night, and it was like being at the centre of a tug of war. One extreme heading up against the other and Ruki wasn’t quite sure what to feel.

His insomnia really did deal him a very cruel hand in the wake of reality tonight.

 

*

The hospital shuttle didn’t arrive for an extra twenty minutes, the time in which Ruki had spent staring at his phone in case Reita replied and lighting up another cigarette to calm himself; the spectacle he had just seen still fresh in his mind and it chilled him beyond reasoning.

He took his usual seat in the centre of the bus, willing to watch the world go by as he was taken home again. And this time it was much more willingly than he had ever expected it to be, yearning to feel Reita’s warm arms around him, knowing they were both safe and well…

Ruki stared into the glass window beside him and the darkness of the night beyond it, seeing his reflection clearly and the state he witnessed himself in. His eyes roamed over the strands of his chocolate hair stuck out at awkward angles in their bed hair state, his eyes bloodshot and lifeless, the purple shadows under them and his skin sickly pale. When he couldn’t look anymore and made a feeble attempt to straighten his hair, Ruki counted himself lucky that he didn’t end up as an overnight guest here tonight. He certainly wasn’t far from looking the part.

He turned his head to look out the other side as the bus started to move, no one accompanying him this time. Ruki had slimly hoped that the pregnant woman on his first journey here would have finished her check-up and made the bus on time but there was no sign of her. Ruki hoped his mild acquaintance and her baby were both okay, but cut himself off from thinking about it, knowing he’d only worry himself unnecessarily if he did. Ruki knew he didn’t need to cause himself any more grief; he’d had more than his fair share for one night.

As if fate were to taunt him, Ruki swallowed hard as the bus passed a grim looking building around the back of the hospital on their way out. Ruki caught the sign that read “Mortuary” and what made it worse was the greyscale lighting that lit the desolate interior. With the bus only allowed to drive at 5mph whilst on hospital grounds, Ruki got a good glimpse of the dozens of cold chambers that lay stacked above one another like lockers in a gym changing room. Ruki shivered at the thought that each one held a body, and why on earth they didn’t have any blinds to seal such a harrowing spectacle from innocent, passing eyes.

_I saw that poor kid die…_

Ruki closed his eyes and shook his head, holding it as it suddenly felt very heavy.

_Just please hurry up and take me home._

  
*

  
“You’re home.” Reita immediately announced, seated on the armchair in their living room when Ruki pulled open the front door, “Where’d you get to, sweetheart? I was worried sick.”

Ruki stared back at Reita with eyes disturbed by what they had witnessed, tears threatening to spill over the edges…

“Ru?” Reita asked, stepping forward to take hold of his shoulders, concern lacing every feature of his face as Ruki fought to look past the wall of tears in his eyes,

“I saw a teenager die.”

It was all he could think of to say, and shock mingled with confusion on Reita’s face, pushing out the concern he’d held briefly beforehand,

“-What?” Reita’s hands tightened around Ruki’s shoulders as the smaller man began shaking, “C-Come and sit down, honey… what do you mean? Tell me what happened. Are you okay?”

“I’m…fine.” Ruki mumbled shakily, as Reita seats them both on the sofa, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you –“

“- No, no it’s alright.” Reita’s fingers wrap around his own as Ruki searches for his hand and grips it tight when found, “Just, tell me what happened, where did you go?”

And Ruki told him.

He told Reita about his insomnia and how he thought fresh air would be a good idea, somehow ending up on the hospital shuttle and helping out that poor, scared pregnant woman. He told each detail as well as he could remember it, probably talking so fast it was taking Reita a lot to keep up but Ruki couldn’t stop. He was feeling extremely tired and emotional and of course he could now blame his consecutive sleepless nights for that but once his story reached the hospital’s A&E, Ruki suddenly became detached. He watched in his mind as his memory replayed the scene, and he was no longer upset by it but… inspired by the sudden turn of events. Inspired by life’s unpredictability,

“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry you were there to see something like that.” Reita pulled Ruki in his arms and Ruki fell against him, feeling the warmth of that embrace he’d been longing for the entire journey home,

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Reita whispered against his hair, “I could have stayed up and talked to you until you drifted back to sleep again.”

Ruki shook his head miserably, “Nothing seems to work, Rei. I’ve tried everything. That’s why I thought a walk would do me some good… maybe even tire me out.”

Reita’s arms squeezed ever tighter around his waist, “You could have at least let me hold you for a while.”

As an answer, Ruki snuggled his head deeper into Reita’s neck, “I suppose I could have.”

A long silence passed between them as Reita held Ruki gently in the small dim space of their living room, probably thinking he needed it. Ruki knew he was grateful to have these arms around him, knowing most people out there didn’t.

He thought about the pregnant woman with no wedding ring and a first-time pregnancy. Wondering if she was scared, wondering if she felt her whole world was against her. Ruki also thought about the family of the teen that died in the ambulance before his eyes; whether they’d have each other to lean on through it.

More importantly, Ruki wondered if the hospital staff even  _had_  a family to break the news to. He was all alone when he died, no one there to say it was okay.

Ruki holds onto Rei tighter,

“It’s okay.” Reita murmurs, “You’re home and safe now.”

Ruki nodded, fighting fatigue as his eyes threatened to close, “Rei?”

“Mm?”

“…Do you think we’re ready to have a baby?”

If it hadn’t have been for Ruki safely nestled in his arms, Reita would have probably recoiled,

“W-What?”

“That lady on the bus…” Ruki breathed, suppressing a yawn, “… She was going through that pregnancy all alone, with no one to help her…”

“You don’t necessarily know that, baby.” Reita shrugs, “She could have had family, her parents, friends…”

“- But she didn’t have a husband.” Ruki argued sleepily, “She had no ring. No one to love her, to help her through it. No one to hold her like you’re holding me now…”

Reita strokes his back a little, “Well, maybe she’s just fine with that. How come you’re thinking about it so much, anyway?”

“I saw life  _and_  death today…” Ruki tells him against his chest, fighting another yawn and darkness creeps into the corners of his eyes, “… It just got me thinking that we shouldn’t take life for granted, y’know? Anything can happen and… and we should make it count.”

Reita stroked his hair with a smile, “And you think we should make our lives count by sharing a child?”

“Yeah.” Ruki barely whispered, almost asleep, and Reita kissed his head adoringly, “It could be fun, right?”

“Trust you to think of it that way.” Reita chuckled softly, “We’ll talk about it in the morning okay? When you’re feeling better…”

Ruki hummed gently, briefly closing his eyes against Reita’s chest, feeling the warmth of Reita’s arms folded around him and he smiled; not ever wanting to lose it,

“Let’s get you to bed, honey.” Reita murmured, adjusting his head against Ruki’s matted hair, though receiving no reply,

“… Ruki?”

But he had already fallen asleep.

 


End file.
